... but oh, oh those S-U-M-MER NI-IGHTS
If you are as big of a Grease fan as I am, you probably just sang those words in your head in that Oh - so - memorable nasally tone.
But I digress.
As I lie here awake WELL before the sun comes up (or at least it was that way when I began writing this novel) my mind is racing with thoughts about the upcoming weeks, but I also cannot help but reflect on the past couple months. Near the beginning of my lightening-fast summer "vacation" I posted about what it meant for me to have my summer OFF.
I had a goal to spend my time OFF becoming a better:
O - other half to my husband
F - friend and family member
F - faithful servant of God
Now, as my summer days begin to quickly close in, I am so joyful about the progress I have made this summer - it's more like leaps and bounds. Don't get me wrong: I by no means have it all figured out nor do I claim to, but I am so confident in my God's ability to transform me for the better, even more so now. I'm a work in progress. :)
This summer has been life-changing for me as I really put forth the effort to make the changes I wanted to see in myself. I am happy to report that:
- I cooked nearly every night this summer for my husband, who was never less than complimentary of my efforts. I'm no Paula Dean or Betty Crocker, but I now have 15+ successful recipes at my disposal. Score!
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Fajitas, Chicken Parmesan, and
Baked Chicken and Greens with Cheesy Potatoes |
- I am slowly learning to put my OCD and controlling tendencies aside for my husband. While I was enmeshed in rigorous grad school classes and various tasks this summer, I have learned to say that "it can wait" until my husband gets the time he deserves. Now, I still try to put my best efforts into everything I do and produce quality work, but it's all about priorities and giving my husband the place in my heart and life that I promised him two years ago when I said "I do." I am also SLOWLY (Paul would amen this) learning how to be more submissive and trusting in Paul's role as the head of the household. I am most definitely a control freak, but ...God is really the one in control, and things will run more smoothly if I submit to His orchestration of things - including the husband as the leader. I might add that it makes it so much easier when you marry a Godly man who, even though you are under his authority, treats you like a queen! Blessed is an understatement here.
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We've enjoyed time together out on the water, swimming,
attending weddings, date nights, and just quality along time. |
- I have pushed myself to get into better shape this summer. I want to keep myself fit and healthy, and let me tell you, that takes work - even at 24. I feel better physically than I have in a long time. I have been running/walking 4 miles (when my knees cooperate), working on strength training, completing cardio and ab workouts, and cutting out the junk food (aside from occasional splurges). I, by no means, claim to eat healthy, but it's MUCH better than what I was doing. I've also added a new beauty product to my morning regime - Younique 3d Fiber mascara. LOVE it! It makes eyelashes look so much fuller and longer. However, I've also put aside a few other products to enjoy a less-extensive, more natural makeup production. My face feels lighter, and it saves so much more time.
- I have finally learned to operate our TV, which is hooked up to our computer. If this sounds like a sad achievement to you, let me remind you that I am married to an engineer - an electrical engineer. My house is rigged better than redneck Christmas lights (which the plans for our Griswold light display this year are in full gear...stay tuned...you'll probably be able to see them from your house, regardless of where you live). Anywho, I now know the different remotes to use for which devices with which cords with which buttons on which system of the server. (Yes, we have our own server to back up files, which I am now completely thankful for seeing as flash drives hate me and like to refuse to work.) I say all of that to say this... we cancelled our cable package and watch any show via Hulu or Netflix now. It has been AWESOME! No more wasted time in front of a screen. Now, I use time more efficiently to be a better wife, friend, and Christian. (I'm a little partial but I highly recommended this change.)
- I was able to spend a little bit more time with family this summer. My sister came to stay with me for a week, which was truly a blessing I will never forget. And to think we used to have knock down dragouts - complete with hanger throwing. Surprised? Don't act like you and your siblings were perfect angels. My family also came to visit up here, and then we enjoyed a long weekend down in LA (lower Alabama) with them. Much needed family time.
- I've also worked successfully on building stronger relationships with friends. Our ladies' weekly Bible study, made up of other young married wives like myself, has probably been the biggest impact on my transformation this summer. We have laughed, cried, and just been REAL with each other as we studied God's will for our lives. I cannot emphasize the REAL part enough. I've always struggled to form friendships with other ladies due to the facade that is often put up. I was tired of feeling like I was playing church and only getting to know people on the surface. But I tell you, these ladies are the real deal. As we slowly began to simply get real with one another, God's awesomeness was revealed more than ever before as He began to work in all of us. I feel so empowered and much more confident now, knowing that these Godly women are by my side, and I sure hope they feel that reciprocated. What a blessing - a desperately needed blessing! (If you are plugged into a group that strengthens you as a person and in your relationship with God, keep it up! If you are not, I strongly encourage you to find one. If you don't know where to start, please come with me! Join me for church, get togethers with friends, ladies' Bible study and fellowship, or just to hang out and talk if that's what you need. We live in a broken and chaotic world, and it is much harder when we try to do it alone.)
- I have just finished reading a book titled Restless by Jennie Allen that really helped me grow in my relationship with God. In a nutshell...it gets REAL. It is a book that makes you take a good, hard, long, REAL look at who you are, your dreams, your fears, your talents, your flaws, your circle of influence, and what's holding you back. It ties in Scripture all throughout and challenges you to become the person God intends for you to be: strong and courageous. This is one of the best books I have ever read, and I highly HIGHLY recommend it. It has helped me so much that if you would like to read it but aren't sure, let me know and I will pay for the book and send it to you, that way you won't risk anything except completely transforming your life. I am thag confident in it. I am so excited about how much I've grown, and I can't wait to see how God uses this transformation in the future.
- I have also been spending time on my grad school counseling program, and I am so thankful to be completing my Masters through a Christian university. Every assignment has to be linked to scripture, and it is helping me grow so much. Not only can I learn about myself and how to better my relationships with others, I can glean a spiritual side that helps me better my relationship with God. The key that I have learned over the summer is just to genuinely LISTEN! Listen to others around you and what they are really saying, or not saying. Listen to the voice and gentle whispers of God. We live in a world where we want to put our 2cents in and give advice to everyone, but that is not our place. If we simply learned to listen more, we would be able to follow God's path much easier and be of more help to His people. I have learned this simple, yet revolutionary truth so much over the summer, and I plan to continue doing just that: Listening.
- Finally, when I say transformation, I mean complete transformation. I've already discussed the physical transformation with my own health and relationships, as well as my spiritual transformation with growing closer to God and trying to understand His will for me. Granted, I still have room to drastically continue improving on both, especially in the area of my prayer life and Bible studying. However, the emotional transformation has been huge! (There are days where Paul might discredit this, and he would be completely justified in doing so. I'm still a woman with crazy emotions at times). What I mean by emotional transformation, though, is getting back overall to a life of joy. I feel so much more joy these days than I probably ever have. I am not as stressed and negative lately, even though I am still just as busy. I am so so thankful that God has transformed by heart and opened my eyes so that I can be more joyful, uplifting, and helpful to myself and those around me. I pray that I never lose that again. Lord, let me always find your joy and peace in ALL circumstances.
Now, some of you may be reading this (for you faithful readers who have trudged through this novel-length post of mine thus far) and thinking that these changes are not all that significant....but if you only knew.
Can I be honest with you? Can I get real with you?
This past year was probably one of the most exciting yet darkest times of my life to date. I was learning to live and love my wonderful roles as wife, teacher, tutor, coach, and volunteer, but it was so very chaotic and hectic at the same time. It was my first FULL year teaching, and all I can say about that is I Survived. Add on top of that graduate school, and I was barely staying afloat. Continue to add cheerleadeing sponsor, inner city tutor, kindergarten Bible teacher, a bad attitude, and lack of time spent with the Lord, and I was sinking fast...DROWNING is more like it. Those last two factors are what really played a part though.
You see...I used to be so so joyful, and people always commented about how much I smiled and how positive I always was. Yet, I seemed to have let that slip in an extreme way over the past year. I became cynical about everything, burdened by the very opportunities God had afforded me (the very ones I had prayed for, nonetheless), and somewhat depressed. Why, because I wasn't utilizing the relationships in my life. I was trying to be superwoman without the help of any sidekicks. I wasn't putting the effort where it should have been to strengthen my relationship with God, my husband, my family, my friends, and fellow Christians...the very relationships that help keep you fulfilled, on track, and uplift you when you are struggling. I became what some call a Negative Nancy. I faced each day as a chore list instead of being joyful at the tasks God had entrusted to me. I can only imagine how my co-workers felt working around me all year, or how my husband felt coming home to my pessimism and foul attitude on a daily basis.
By the end of the school year, I finally looked into the mirror at someone I didn't recognize, nor wanted to be. I wanted people to see God in me through my words, actions, and even a simple smile, but that wasn't what I was exuding. I was working so diligently and hard at all the tasks before me and wondering why nothing seemed to get better. The answer: I wasn't working on the only thing that would change everything... ME. It starts with me. God will not force himself on us; we have to welcome Him. And I wanted to, but I was only allowing Him in when it was convenient, when it fit into my schedule. It's like the old saying goes: what you feed grows and what you starve dies. Well, that's what I was doing. Seemingly, I was dying on the inside, and my withering ways were really starting to show on the outside.
So, that's when I decided it was now or never! I had to be the change I wanted to see. So, I took this summer OFF to do it, and it has been the greatest challenge and success of my life, aside from my salvation. All aspects of my life have improved, and my cup now truly overflows. It all started with a prayer that simply stated, "God, I don't even know where to start or what to pray, but somethings gotta change." It has ended with a joyful heart that can only be explained by saying -- BUT GOD!!
Really, I think this is just the beginning, and I can't wait!! I need your prayers and encouragement, and I hope to do just that for you, too!
If you find yourself like I was, even just a little bit, get REAL with God and let Him transform your life like He has mine. You won't regret it!
For my friends, family, and anyone else who comes across this post, hold me accountable. I refuse to return to the sour tart that I was becoming and let Satan steal the joy and work that God has so graciously given me.
Now, it's time for me to be strong and courageous as my God molds me into the woman He has designed me to be! Stay tuned...I am hopeful that great things are in store!
Until next time,
