You see, we had this thing in competitive cheerleading where the coach would say, "Keep a smile or you're getting Vaseline." What that cliche little idea meant was that if you weren't smiling big enough, you'd get that disgusting goop put on your teeth to make sure those lips didn't close.
It's funny how that idea can carry over into adult life. I hear things all the time like "just put on a smile" or "fake it 'til you make it." That's great and all -- but what happens when the vaseline starts running low?
[sidenote]
Maybe all of that just made no sense to you, so let me explain where I'm coming from. After three years of marriage, my husband and I decided in March 2015 that we were ready to expand our family. Fast forward to June 2016 -- two miscarriages and a year have gone by since that dream came into our hearts. Extensive genetic testing (with 17+ vials of blood - that was rough!) tells us that I have a mutated Methylene tetrahydrofolate reductase (aka the MTHFR gene). Apparently, this is fairly common, as are the three different medicines I now take to accompany it. It has now been 120 days since I began this medicine, and no sign of progress has been seen....but we are still prayerful and hopeful for our miracle one day. :)
......
So, back to what I was saying. Over this past year, I've had a lot of up days and a lot of down days. However, on any given day, most people tend to see the smiles. At first, it was because of the "vaseline" - that hope that helped me keep smiling even when I didn't want to.
- We had a successful pregnancy for 8 weeks, so I knew it could happen again - HOPE.
- The doctor said that miscarriages were not uncommon, and next time would probably be successful - HOPE.
- Friends with past miscarriages and the MTHFR gene were having successful pregnancies - HOPE.
- Another successful pregnancy for 5 weeks; okay, so it can still happen. Surely it won't happen again. - HOPE.
- After all the genetic testing, we finally had some answers and medicine to help - HOPE.
5 months later - that vaseline jar of hope was starting to run low. I truly tried to start "faking it until I made it." How do you find that joy again and not sink into a fast hole of depression, which I started to do?? How do you smile and pick your head up when your biggest dream seems impossible??
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Dear Sweet Hopeful Mother-to-Be (like me),
I've been there. I'm still there. It sucks. CD 1 brings about the most intense emotional pain you've ever felt each month. Trust me, I know.
The tears fall and you try to hide them from your hubby because you know he's hurting just as much as you, and you don't want to add to that pain.
You blame yourself and wonder what you could do differently. You try. You track temperatures, map out days, take the prescribed medicine (even give yourself the shots), PRAY, vent to others, say unintentional, hurtful things to others, PRAY SOME MORE, question what you did wrong, get irate as national abortion numbers continue to rise, PLEAD WITH GOD, try to get healthier, avoid all caffeine and anything you think might hurt any progress, go to countless doctors appointments, PRAY EVEN MORE (maybe even angrily), get the "look" from the little cashier as you buy yet another test ... and the list goes on.
You give yourself a pep-talk and try to continue your life and work as normal as possible, even though seemingly everything reminds you of that longing that you're not so sure will ever happen.
That hope starts turning to doubt, and it can spiral into a really deep place if you let it.
But, Dear Sweet Hopeful Mother-to-Be (like me), please don't. Please know that there is still joy. When the smiles start to run out, borrow them!
Find a support group, friends you can count on, vent to, cry with, and have FUN with. Your hubby is a great resource, but sometimes you need another woman who knows how it feels. If you can't muster the strength to smile yourself, wear the smiles their precious friendship gives! I cannot even imagine how I would get through some days without my dear friends. Can't think of anyone? I'm here! Right here. Whatever you do, please do not keep it all bottled inside and go through this alone. It will steal all your joy, and that is no way to live. Please know that you are not alone.
Lean on your spouse, not away from them. God gave you a helpmate for a reason. Pray together - seek His will above your own. As ironic as it is, there is so much joy and peace that comes when you realize that you are NOT in control and there's nothing better you can both do than to trust in the One who creates ALL life.
Delve into personal development. Read your Bible and pray, yes. But also do something else you love to do. Read a book. Do a hobby or craft you've wanted to try. Catch up on that Netflix show. Get a mani/pedi. Go to the gym or run to burn off that anxiety. Do SOMETHING. Lying on the couch wallowing in self pity will get you absolutely no where. Trust God to open that door when He sees fit, and in the meantime, dance and praise Him in the hallway.
Our day is coming. I believe it with all of my heart!
The battle is not over, but we already know who wins. It IS going to be okay, and I refuse to let the circumstances of this world and the heartbreak defeat me and steal even more joy than it already has. That would only make Satan happy, and that's the LAST thing I plan to do. What about you?
So, Dear Sweet Hopeful Mother-to-Be (like me), please don't give up.
Let's live a full, joyful life that will make our future children proud of their mommy.
and on the tough days, because they WILL come, just remember:
Come what may, God is still God. He is still Good, and He is still on His throne, and NOTHING is going to change that. Choose joy, and if you have to, borrow a SMILE. :)
Prayers and big hugs to you, future mama! Keep trusting. Not my, but THY will be done.
Until next time...
Getting back into the swing after vacation has NOT been easy .... but these results keep me motivated! 💙💪
6 months ago, I really doubted that I could ever get here. I was not a "fitness junkie" and I loved pizza, blizzards, and double-stuffed Oreos too much to get here. 😂 Now, I'm happy to tell you that NONE of that has changed - only my confidence and pants size!
It can be done, even with Oreos on hand! You CAN have your cake and eat it too -- yay!! #lovetoeat #loveyourself#weightloss #courtneylanzafitness
Ahh!! So sorry I've been off the grid for a bit ... the hubby and I took a much needed vacation, and it was great! No vacation would be complete without some coasters, right?!
I am back at it now, though, so new posts are coming!!
In my high school yearbook, I have a picture with the caption "Voted Most Likely to Succeed" and for so many years, I HATED that. Why? In my mind, that did not mean successful, it just meant I was the nerd. I also thought success meant a big office and a big paycheck - neither one of those seemed likely with my future in education. So, that idea never really meant much to me.
MAYBE because I don't think I really believed it in myself. Or maybe because my idea of SUCCESS was all wrong. The Bible says that success comes from service - to be GREAT is to SERVE others (Matt. 20:26).
I may not ever have a big office, ridiculous wealth, or a mansion on a hill, and that is OKAY. That's not what I'm working for. What I do know is that for the first time, I feel successful!
Every day, I get to see over 80 students, and I get to play a small part in helping their lives. Every day, I feel love from one of the most genuine, God-fearing men I've ever met. Every day, God opens new doors for service. And every day, I get to share what I've been given with others through my coaching business.
Hope. Help. A listening ear. A giving hand. A heart to love. An encouraging chat. A praying friend. A comrade to fight the wars of life with....that is SUCCESS, my friends. And I get to do it every day.
So, maybe there was something to that little yearbook. But I didn't reach this point by falling. I'm continuously climbing with God as my safety harness. Serving others is what I love most about this coaching business - a door God opened that I never saw coming.
If you've ever been curious what all goes into it, I'd love to chat more with you about my team and what we do. Who knows? This might be a door that could work for you in helping you help others. Comment below or email me --> courtneylanzafitness@gmail.com
"Did you save room for dessert?"
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Ah, the famous line from the waiter/waitress after you've stuffed yourself like the turkey on Thanksgiving - to which my answer is always a sad no. Although, give me a couple hours and I'm sure to scarf down a quick cookie or brownie before bedtime just to get my fix in.
Or, maybe you're the responsible kind who only eat the portions you are supposed to, take a doggie bag, and happily agree to dessert at the end. If so, I kind of envy you...and I kind of don't because I'm cheap and those desserts are usually like $8 and could feed a family of 10. Oh, and those buffet lines! Sweet mother of pearl. I am HORRIBLE at portions (hence the fact that I had to do a workout program with portion control, lol), so places like Golden Corral and the Chinese buffet really baffle me as to how I'm supposed to fit all of that on my plate. Thank goodness for plate #2.
The sad truth is that this overflowing plate directly mimics my plate in life. I am the world's worst person at saying "no" - like, seriously, do not invite me to something unless you want me to show up with bells on. If I'm bad at portioning my food, portioning my time is like trying to simultaneously breathe and move in Hot Yoga (still haven't figured that one out). I fill my plate with everything under the sun, and don't get me wrong, many of them are good, GOOD activities. I love volunteering, fitness coaching, teaching, Netflix binging, Bible-journaling, cleaning, figuring out the next perfect shade for my nails, spending time with friends, date nights, family phone calls, pondering my next blog entry and never writing it, playing with the dog, and so on.
But you know what, you can fill up a food plate to overflowing with fruits and veggies, and you still may not be eating healthy. It's all about balance, in food and in life.
Balance. You know I really hate that word because for the life of me I just don't really believe it exists. Then again, standing on one foot was never my top talent for this graceful clutz - I digress.
Regardless, I'm not doing something right because I never seem to have time for dessert (you know those best parts of life). My grandfather used to say that you never know when the Lord is coming back, so eat dessert first....and I think he has a point.
If I fill my plate with all these activities, obligations, and other good stuff, then I run out of room for dessert. I'm stuffed. You know that feeling you get during Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays where you've eaten so much that everyone is in that one big lull, lethargic attitude? If we're not careful that becomes our life attitude when the plate is too full. Then, we miss out on the best parts - dessert. What would be your dessert?
For me, it's my marriage, both physical and spiritual. I chose to spend my life with my husband, but most days it also feels like I'm choosing to not spend it with him (when I pile everything else on my plate). I chose to follow Christ and be His bride, but I'm also choosing to not give Him a place. Doing things for someone is not the same as spending it with them. I fill my plate with stuff, and then I cram down my dessert (time with God and husband) right before bed.
I don't think our husbands or our Heavenly Father want our lethargic leftovers from a day filled with overeating on the things of life. So, as we get ready for another week, I leave you (and ME, oh boy am I talking to myself here, first and foremost) with this thought:
It's okay to leave some things on the buffet line of life, and in the event that you find your plate too full, grab a doggie bag. Some things can wait for tomorrow; leftovers won't kill you. And for goodness sake, eat your dessert first!
Until next time...
