...and I don't mean this whole stop, drop, and roll shindig
Don't get me wrong. That method works wonders when that pesky solicitor rings your doorbell. And in all honesty, it probably does work if and when you ever find yourself literally on fire. (Thankfully, I have never had such an experience.) However, those three little words do absolutely nothing when life seems to go up in flames and you're left with a blazing furnace of emotions.
Yeah, I know, things just got serious in a hurry. That's kind of been my story the past two weeks.
You see, I've always had what I would consider a pretty easy life. My childhood years were not plagued with turmoil or a series of unfortunate events (like the Baudelaire children). Academics came fairly easy to me, and my parents always seemed to effortlessly provide both my needs and many wants. (Whether it was as seamless as they portrayed, I'll never know.) I did not make the cheer squad one year and, sure, I had my fair share of high-school love break-ups, but I lived a very blessed, privileged life... not that my seventeen year-old self was aware of that at the time. I graduated high school at the top of my class, went to college on a full-tuition scholarship, and met/married my dream man shortly after. Granted, I was jobless for eight months, which up until now was the toughest hardship I had ever faced. However, let's be honest, when you have a husband with a solid job, a few months hiatus from the working world wasn't exactly "torture." Nonetheless, God eventually opened doors to an amazing career, and three years later we were ready to start a family.
That was, until two weeks ago when we found out we had lost our precious first child.
Dose 1 of gasoline - empty sac + empty screen + no heartbeat
Dose 2 of gasoline - surgery + recovery
Flames ignite.
Dose 3 - Post-op doctors appt., happy couple walks into waiting room with new ultrasound pics
Dose 4 - Where did all these happy expectant mothers in the grocery store suddenly come from?
Consuming Fire.
Dose 5 - Recovery is taking awhile, must wait longer to try again for a precious child
Dose 6 - Person unknowingly says, "Courtney, be thankful for all this free time you have w/o kids."
Suffocating in the Heat.
Praise be unto God that my story doesn't end there. I don't know your story. I don't know the fires of your life, and until a couple weeks ago, I'd never been through one myself. However, these past several days have taught me a lot about going THROUGH THE FIRE. You may be much wiser than me and already have this whole thing figured out. If so, please proceed to another blogger, as your time here will be futile at best. However, if you're like me and the flames have only been "somewhat managed", then you know that all it takes is one spark for everything to ignite again. Knowing full well that I'm not in the clear, I want to remind myself (and you) what I do know, based on my experiences the past week, about putting out fires, especially the emotional ones:
Putting Out the Fire
There are some common tools that are recommended for putting out physical fires, and what I have learned the past two weeks is that they also apply to emotional flames, as well.1. WATER
Water is a natural source that can help diminish the heat of a situation and keep the flames from spreading. It is a source that is easy to gather and works quickly in times of emergency. Many times, the more water the merrier, as demonstrated by the tremendous pressure and volume expelled from a fire hose. --- I found out that the water is like friends, family, and church/support groups in our lives. In times of an emergency, they are easy to gather and work quickly in times of an emergency. Had it not been for the love and support of our friends and family, I'm not sure how I would've made it through the flames. If you, too, find yourself in the midst of a burning, collapsing situation, please gather your water source!
2. PAN LIDS
When the grease (or added doses of life) get too hot, one of the most effective ways to put out the fire is through smothering it with a pan lid. -- I have realized that that the pan lid, for me, was my husband. He lovingly covered me, even as my emotional turmoil was blazing. For you, this may be a spouse, love, close family member, or best friend. They can truly aid in preventing any more combustion. However, you have to be careful. You see, as the lid covers the fire to smother it, it also gets very hot in the process. As my sweet husband worked to protect my heart, and I am so thankful that he diligently did so, I think he got burned in the process. Until the combustion quit, I was sparking and smoldering at him, although completely unintentionally. Praise the Lord for the pan lids, but just be careful to get one that is as heat-resistant as possible, like my precious hubs.
3. BAKING SODA
This common household item provides temporary relief that releases carbon dioxide and water to help smother the fire, but you will probably still eventually need back-up. -- For me, this included books, blogs, shows, etc. As I was able to read about the experiences of others who had been in my shoes, it provided temporary relief and comfort for my own situation. I watched shows and read stories that took my mind off the problem at hand and smothered the feelings momentarily. However, it is important to note that this is usually only temporary relief before you have to call in the pros. When the flames start building, grab the baking soda; just be prepared to call in back-up.
4. FIRE EXTINGUISHER!
This is more of what I meant by the big-dogs, the back-up. We all know that fire extinguishers should be kept in an easily visible, accessible location, and they should be kept anywhere that a fire can occur (which is pretty much anywhere). -- This is my God. He is ever-present in our times of need. We can call on Him, and if it's His will, He will pull out the pin and extinguish the flames completely.
If I'm being honest with you, I am not to that point, yet. I have called on His name, cried out in desperation, but the flames, although much lower, are still flickering some.
5. BLANKET
This is the part where the blanket comes in. These are extremely useful when you or someone you know is on fire. These are also handy when the flames are still blazing and you've got to find a way out. Physically speaking, you wrap yourself in a blanket and bust through or exit the window without hopefully getting cut, scraped, or burned in the process. -- In an emotional sense, this was the prayers and guidance of the Holy Spirit in my life. The flames were still going; the gasoline kept getting doused. I had to find a way out! I had tried the baking soda, the water, and the pan lid; yet, it just wasn't quite enough, and the extinguisher had not been activated. So, I am currently in the blanket. The prayers of believers and the guidance of the Holy Spirit have provided unimaginable and indescribable PEACE. How you can have such peace in a situation like this, I still cannot explain, but I am so thankful for the blanket of protection that the Lord has provided.
I don't have all the answers, and I know that extinguished fires often leave behind destruction, rubble, and shattered dreams. If you have the wisdom for "after the fire", I am all ears. All I can share is what I've learned as I travel "through the fire."
This post may have only been the Lord's way of having me slow down long enough to truly listen to and reflect on the message of hope He has placed on my heart. However, the urging that I felt to actually write this post (even after trying to ignore it) makes me feel that this message is not just for me. Prayers and hugs as we go "through the fire" together.
** One of my favorite songs is "Through the Fire" by the Crabb Family.
Until next time...
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